Kevin Bacon to play Libby in upcoming “Six Degrees of Scooter”


EWM - (November 3, 2005) Veteran actor and trivia game inspiration Kevin Bacon has been signed to play the lead role in “Six Degrees of Scooter” a motion picture based on the events leading up to the indictment of Vice President Dick Cheney’s boy Friday, Scooter Libby.

“It’s ‘Dumb and Dumber’ meets ‘All the President’s Men.’ An ensemble buddy comedy/Shakespearean tragedy,” said producer Max Silverscreen.

According to the script, the Scooter character draws short straw in a contest among coconspirators to take the fall for a series of fun-loving hijinks that include starting a war under false pretenses, leaking the identity of an American undercover agent, and making many thousands of people dead.

While his fellow conspirators continue to enjoy the trappings of power and privilege, Libby adapts to life in the prison yard and having to introduce himself as “Scooter.”

Silverscreen said the hasty announcement about the film was strategic. “We’re trying to get out in front on this one. It’s safe to say the Bush Administration’s Iraq war is going to go down as one of the most deceitful and ill-conceived events in American history.

“We want ‘Six Degrees of Scooter’ to be the definitive Iraq movie, like ‘Coming Home’ was to Vietnam or ‘Dr. Strangelove’ was to the cold war.

“Some have accused us of knocking off ‘Wag the Dog,’ but with these guys, ‘Screwed the Pooch’ would be more apropos,” continued Silverscreen, “These people are like tines on a fork. You can break one off, but it’ll still poke your eye out.”

Hollywood insiders say that the studio “suits” were concerned the public would shun a film whose central characters are all repugnant and appear to have no redeeming values, so they’ve ordered that some sex be added to the plot.

“This was tough because the Bush people are completely devoid of a sexual identity–I mean is there a person on the planet who fantasizes about getting jiggy with Karl Rove?” said Silverscreen. “Other than the pressroom john, I doubt there’s been a blowjob in the White House since Bubba left town. But the money people said the flick has to have a ‘little leg’ so we wrote in a scene that’ll have tongues wagging.”

The reference is to a controversial scene entitled “Last train to Baghdad” in which right wing firebrand Ann Coulter pays a late night visit to the Iraq War Group and gives new meaning to the term “Situation Room.” Coulter’s character will be played by Marilyn Manson in a blond wig.

The producers are in negotiations with Quentin Tarantino of “Pulp Fiction” and “Kill Bill” fame to direct the picture. “Quentin knows that any movie with a character based on Dick Cheney is sure have a lot of ‘fucks’ in the dialogue, and there’s bound to be buckets of blood, it’s right up his alley,” said Silverscreen.

Other actors signed for “Six Degrees of Scooter” include Jon Lovitz, who will play Iraqi conman Ahmed Chalabi, Ned Beatty as Vice President Cheney and, starring in his first dramatic role, British slapstick actor Mr. Bean will play President Bush.

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy. As a Fairly Unbalanced Journalist, it’s his calling.

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