Pottygate Overflows: Rice Note “#1 or #2?”

9/16/2005

EWM - (September 16, 2005) A White House still in damage control from the publication of a photo of the President penning a note to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice asking for a bathroom break is bracing for a second blow in the widening scandal.

Eyewitness Muse has obtained the note and our exclusive examination reveals that Rice’s response, written below the President’s words, was curt and some say disrespectful.

“No. 1 or No. 2?!?!” was all that Rice had written, but the thick, dark letters and indentations caused by her pen revealed much more.

After analyzing the note with no knowledge of its authors, famed forensic handwriting pathologist Dr. Bartleby Blathermaster said “This is a woman with serious control issues and this is a man who simply doesn’t have a clue. This is a very bad combination–what sort of business did you say they were in?”

The White House spin machine is in high gear trying to head off the story before it dominates the next news cycle. However, Press Secretary Scott McClellan’s campy attempt to poke fun at the story may backfire.

“Look, this is all about a President who doesn’t act all ‘look at me I’m the Prez, I can take a whiz anyplace, anytime.’ This is a President who knows whether to shit or wind his watch. In this case, he turned to his most trusted advisor for advice. What’s the big whoop?”

Meanwhile Congressional Democrats are going gaga over whether Rice overstepped her authority and are demanding hearings on the affair. Republican leaders, still stinging from the rebuke of their two-year investigation of the previous President’s private parts, are less than eager to put their hands on this one.

The White House is refusing to disclose whether the President disclosed the nature of his need to Rice, whether she granted permission for the break and whether the President told the truth about what activities he undertook once in the lavatory.

In a related development, Vice President Dick Chaney continues to go to the bathroom at his will and pleasure, completely outside of the chain of command.

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy. As a Fairly Unbalanced Journalist, it’s his calling.

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