Bush on Bush: 37% is remarkable achievement for an underachiever.

4/13/2006

EWM- (April 13, 2006) White House handlers are rethinking their strategy of putting the President in front of his critics at town hall meetings after he offered a stupefying rationale for his plummeting poll standings at today’s event. In response to an elderly Minnesota woman’s question regarding the paltry performance numbers Bush stunned the audience by declaring “37 percent is a remarkable achievement for an underachiever.”

The exchange took place at a Minnetonka event aimed at building support for his Medicare prescription drug plan. Things went bad when 82 year-old Claudette Kerfuffle approached the open mike:

Kerfuffle: Mr. President, poll after poll show that fewer and fewer of the American people care for the way you’re running the country. It seems the nation has spoken, do you think the majority of the American people are wrong?

Bush: Well, uh…er…um. I’m happy you asked that…I think. (laughter) Polls goes up and polls goes down, it’s his-tor-i-cal. You know, you’ve been around for a while, how old are you?

Kerfuffle: I’m 82 Mr. President.

Bush: Whew, if I’d a waited a couple weeks to come here you probably wouldn’t be around to ask that. (no laughter) Um…heh-heh, um…okay. You see, when things go really, really bad, uh, the ‘merican people know it and they talk about it. It’s their pre-rog-a-tive. But what they don’t understand about me is that I’m a heck-of-an underachiever. And if you ask me 37 percent is a remarkable achievement for an underachiever.

Kerfuffle: I did ask you and I’m waiting for an answer to the question I asked.

Bush: Oh, uh, okay. I gotta lot of experience being disapprovaled. I sucked at high school and got into Yale. I was a slacker there but still got into Harvard Business School. Hell, I didn’t even report to National Guard and got an honorary discharge. Don’t misunderestimate ole Dubya, if the ‘merican people just lower their ex-pec-ta-tions we’ll make it to oh-eight and I’ll give myself a medal and be done with it…

At this point the lights in the auditorium suddenly went out and a voice sounding conspicuously like Karl Rove announced, “ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing technical difficulty, please remain quietly in your seats until the President is safely evacuated from the building.”

In a related development, White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett was treated for a concussion after the event when he was found backstage whacking himself with a folding chair saying “what was I thinking.”

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy. As a Fairly Unbalanced Journalist, it’s his calling.

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