Bush Solidifies Base

5/2/2006

Tongues wag as 32% of U.S. turns into pillars of salt.

EWM- (May 2, 2006) The nation is reeling over a poll released today that shows the 32 percent of Americans that still approve of the president have turned into pillars of salt. The stunning discovery may account for the impervious few that still regard the Bush years as a success, despite abundant stimuli indicating otherwise.

While most of America fretted over the fate of pig-headed uncles or nephews that had joined the College Republicans, the news was met with curious indifference by the White House. “Around here, we call that solidifying the base,” chuckled an Administration source.

“We view 32 percent as an operating majority. Half the people that hate us are conservatives that wouldn’t vote for Hillary if they had Michael Moore shoved up their ass, and the other half are Democrats that can’t find their ass with a flashlight. We’re just going to keep doing what were doing on behalf of our salt pillar army,” the source added.

Pulse of America Poll director Dr. Bhadana Marginforerror theorized that the transformation has been years in the making. “The permanent Bush base pretty much ceased brainwave activity years ago. As for being turned into a pillar of salt? It won’t be much of an inconvenience–thinking wise anyway.”

There were whispers in the faith community about the odd parallel of the diehard Bush supporters meeting the same fate as the Biblical Lot’s wife, who was turned into a salt pillar upon looking back longingly on the burning city of Sodom. A spokesman with the Catholic Archdiocese of Washington sought to downplay the divine connection, saying “any similarities between what Bush has done to the country and what was going on in Sodom and Gomorrah is purely coincidental.”

Meanwhile the appearance of the salt pillar people has created a crisis at Fox news where the entire on air-staff has gone statuesque, except for Bill O’Reilly who was spared because “the only person Bill O’Reilly approves of is Bill O’Reilly.”

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy. As a Fairly Unbalanced Journalist, it’s his calling.

More on the moron: For Dubya, sorry seems to be the hardest word.

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