Operation Karaoke: McCain to Croon More Policy Tunes

4/20/2007

EWM- (April 20, 2007, Washington, DC) –Buoyed by the extensive coverage of his “bomb Iran” parody of the Beach Boys’ “Barbara Ann,” Senator John McCain has ordered his staff to launch what he’s calling “Operation Karaoke,” a multi-media road show that he hopes will revive his sagging campaign by crooning more foreign policy tunes.

A top aide, speaking on the condition of anonymity, expressed concern. “We’ve gone from the ’straight-talk express’ to claiming it’s safe to walk around in Baghdad to singing about carpet-bombing countries. So if you’re asking me if he’s lost his freaking mind, I’d have to say ‘absolutely.’”

EWM has obtained a McCain memo that outlines plans to disseminate a variety of rewritten musical standards through podcasts on his Web site. McCain hopes to reach “niche demographics” by covering songs that appeal to various voter groups. Examples include:

McCain is banking on capturing the senior citizen vote by rewriting the classic Bill Haley and the Comets’ tune to say: “We’re gonna rock Ahmadinejad tonight…we’re gonna bomb, bomb, bomb till broad daylight.”

To demonstrate to 40-somethings that he’s still quite the hipster, McCain will issue new versions of Joan Jett’s “I love rock and roll” ("I love shock and awe") and the classic Deep Purple anthem will become “Smoke on your daughter.”

Disco aficionados won’t be left out as Kool and the Gang’s “Celebration” will be sung, “annihilate, good times, come on!” and the updated KC and the Sunshine Band classic will be retooled to go, “Give sheik the booty.”

McCain will also perform at weddings with sappy love song updates from artists such as Lionel Richie (”You’re once, twice, three times invaded“) and Paul McCartney (”Baby you’re ablaze.")

Operation Karaoke will officially kick-off with an appearance on Fox’s Big Story with John Gibson in which McCain will sing a duet with the host of the renamed “The Battle Hymn of the Republican” with its new refrain “gory, gory, hallelujah.”

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy. As a Fairly Unbalanced Journalist, it’s his calling.

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