Full Moon over Michigan

10/27/2004

EWM - (Oct. 27, 2004) The Bush campaign is scrambling into damage-control mode tonight after an unexpected glitch in their efforts to use turncoat Democratic Senator Zell Miller as a campaign prop.

Shortly after tonight’s final campaign stop, held beneath a bright full-moon at an outdoor venue in up-state Michigan, Miller terrified the traveling party when he turned into a werewolf and began menacing senior administration officials.

“It was the damnedest thing,” said an eyewitness. “Old Zell started sprouting hair and growling and then he jumped on the buffet table and ate a whole tray of those little weenies–toothpicks and all.”

Initially, the Bush entourage applauded wildly, thinking Miller was reprising his speech at the Republican National Convention. But when he bit a hole in a campaign bus tire, the President was whisked from the scene and rest of the entourage was left to fend for themselves.

Miller became highly agitated when he overheard National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice placing a call to Animal Control and began to chase her through the arena. The encounter ended when she turned on Miller and bit him on the ankle.

After escaping Rice’s jaws, Miller yelped and scampered out of the venue on all fours. Secret Service agents found him several hours later on the roof of a Seven-Eleven, crouching on his haunches and howling at the moon.

“Thank God we had a full lunar eclipse tonight,” said a shaken Agent. “It calmed Zell down enough so we could get a noose on him and lock him in a dog carrier.”

White House physicians on the scene predicted a full recovery for Miller, however he will have to undergo precautionary rabies shots stemming from being bitten by Rice.

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy, but, as a Fairly Unbalanced journalist, it is his calling.

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