Bush Cabinet Purge Begins: Barney First Casualty

11/4/2004

EWM - (Nov. 4, 2004) Eyewitness Muse has learned the real story behind today’s announcement that President Bush gave First Lady Laura a Scottish terrier puppy for her birthday. A source tells EWM that Barney is being pushed out following a series of embarrassing incidents that were “unbecoming of a First Dog.” The new dog, “Miss Beazley,” will begin work immediately. Barney is the first of several senior officials that will be replaced in the wake of a first term that the source conceded was a “complete train-wreck.”

Barney’s fate had been the topic of White House whispers since early August when he was caught crapping on the lawn by television cameras while Bush was giving a news conference in the foreground.

“Barney was a source of embarrassment from the start,” said our source. “Let’s not forget what happened in 2002–the little bastard was found on the scene, looking conspicuously nonchalant, when W choked on a pretzel, passed out and fell flat on his face. It’s no secret that the Secret Service has had their eye on him ever since.”

Bush broke the news to Barney during a stroll on his Crawford ranch. “It was a real wakeup call I’ll tell you, after the dog got the pink slip everyone around here is pretty antsy,” said the source.

EWM has also learned that Barney will not be out of work for long. He has already accepted a position at the Harvard Kennedy School of Government where he will teach courses on the presidency.

Editor’s Note: Please excuse the Muse for reporting fantasy, but, as a Fairly Unbalanced journalist, it is his calling.

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